Filtered: Unscripted & Sifted

Went to Superstore today. Ma-ja asked that I buy her 20 bananas (fruits I loathe) among other items. Was nearly run down by two small children operating a shopping cart. Am not amused.

Ate a Subway sandwich on the bus, dripped some of my low fat mayo down my front. Forced to change lovely outfit before work. I've looked through my wardrobe again. Ma-ja was right, I've two looks: homeless man and middle aged woman. This fall, I'll be sticking with my middle aged woman persona. Not a fan of pleats on pants. I don't see how they can be flattering. Highwaisted pants. Love. Ruffles. I die. Floral prints. Fabric after my heart. I've already started my September magazine shopping with Harper's Bazaar, Nylon and Ad Busters. Hoping to find Frankie (oh where, oh where has my favourite Aussie magazine gone in Vancouver?), Interview (obviously), Vogue, Paper, and my random selection of the month. Going to buy pens and paper. Maybe I'll be able to get a Mac book in October. Sigh.

September thru December: French, English, Communications, Statistics, VIFF, Physiotherapy, Photography, Concert, Hair maintenance...repeat as necessary. Note: Social life seems to have no standing.

Appliances I've named to avoid future confusion when I call them by the names and not labels.

iMac - Pat Sajack

Mac book (to be purchased) - Alex Trebek

Bicycle - Prudence

Blackberry - Myrtle

Record player - Franklin

iPod - Paul Anka

Purchased a bicycle. I've named her Prudence because she is like an old woman who picks and chooses where she will go. Features include: character building rust, a wicker basket, and a revolving bell. She is a lovely shade of evergreen with some cream detailing. I plan to change the kick stand, the hand grips, the seat and petals but in truth, I love her just as she is. (See background picture).

Concert ratings:

1) Stars: Croatian Cultural Centre, February 7th, 2006

This was the first time I saw them (since this time I've seen them four times in total). It marked the only time I've ever been to a show and not known most of the music to be played. During "Nightsongs" Torquil Campbell (lead male vocalist), stopped the show to tell the light director to "Turn the (expletive) [house] lights off, or [he would] get off the (expletive) stage". *Queue lights off*. Then he continued to play the lullaby like nothing had happened.

2) Pemberton Music Festival, July 25th - July 27th, 2008

Vampire Weekend then N.E.R.D then Death Cab for Cutie opened for Jay-Z and then he turn opened for Coldplay. Shattered my universe. Interpol's bass player, stopped playing in the middle of a song to light his cigarette and take a puff.

3) Kings of Leon concert: GM Place, August 16th, 2009

----------- (Speechless). I thought I was going to fall over when they played "Milk", and I just about died during "Cold Desert". Listening to their vinyl is now effectively ruined due to amazing live performance. Perfect mix of their older, raw stuff and their newer top 40 crowd pleasing stuff. The Whigs sucked (the opener).

Drove all the way to Caltus Lake to sleep in a tent on rocks and see some stars. I bloody hate camping.

Camping night 1.

Managed to trip over a large boulder that seemingly appeared from nowhere. Small cut on leg and foot as a result. Sadly not enough blood loss to warrant a trip back to the city. Sleeping on rocks. Cooked hot dogs in the dark.

Day 1

Sleeping bag is like an incubator. Constricted movements. Though it all, I am attempting to conserve my Blackberry energy, however, its 6:35AM, my tent mates are all still asleep and I have already scrubbed up, changed, and in a disoriented haze forgotten the way back to my tent. Blackberry use is necessary. Only human contact thus far is listening to the loud, monotonous snoring of a camper one site over. Thank heavens I thought to bring "Catcher in the Rye". I may clean my gashes. Big day ahead *note sarcasm*. Found tent. Its 6:47AM. 6:47 and 2.63 seconds later, an annoying bird has landed nearby to produce some terrific *deadpan/note sarcastic tone* chirp like sounds. Not amused.

7:09AM onslaught of texts sent to other people include: "save me from the wilderness"; "If you were a true friend you'd develop a teleportation device to save me from the bears"; and "work those legs" (the latter of which doesn't quite apply as friend was at the gym...but still I was being starved for electronic, emotionally detached human contact *shake fist at the heavens*).

Later that day, learned how to do colour accent photos on my canon. Its the newest craze *cheesy informercial-esque smile*. I may be a tad obsessed. Also, went to beach. Loads of other people among them some very dirty/or tan children were making a muck. Walked past loads of African folks being stereotypical* - they were wearing African clothing (the kind of clothing people of other cultures will come close enough to finger the fabric, wistfully, while making a statement such as: "wow, the patterns are so bold. What a statement" and after turning to spouse or a friend, "I wonder if I can get some to make as pillows or curtains").

Anyway, the Africans were also BBQ-ing chicken and eating watermelon. Just like how black people often do on the shows on the former UPN, current CW. Troops went to another beach to play volleyball. I went to an ice cream stand instead. Pistachio almond. More eating ensued (mac and cheese). "Camp fire" consisted of two anti-bug candles and a lantern, due to the fire ban. We later learned that candles are also hazards and we could be fined almost $400 and could be evicted from camp ground for having them lit. Contemplated leaving candles on as a way to get back to civility but alas plans were thwarted by over zealous types who blew the candles out. Tired. Called an early night, apparently, I just can't get enough of those rocks (just booked a massage). Listening to ipod: almost forgot what music sounded like when played with something other than an acoustic guitar. Sweet precious bass.

Day 2

6:36AM Everyone else is pooped. I am bright eyed. My thumbs ache from typing excessively on Blackberry. Scrubbed up to the best of my ability. Its very chilly in the mornings among all the trees. Am wearing 2 shirts, jeans and heavy duty uni sweater - in AUGUST. Also, soaking in as much ipod and blackberry use before they get lost in the heavy piles of clothing - mostly unused shorts, and wildernessy plaid. I was hoping to depart early in the day. Alas, the consensus among the others is to leave around 3pm. It is now 8:01AM. City life in T minus 6 hours and 59 mins. More ice cream, volleyball, hacky-sac and phase 10. Thought we were leaving at 3PM. Actual departure, 6:43PM. Pit stop at Tim Hortons was followed by arrival in concrete haven (Vancouver) 8:--PM. After unpacking, rewashing, reloading and dropping things and people off, I arrived home at 10:13PM. Discovered brother had arrived from Smithers (city in Northern BC - literally no-man's land) and is, as usual, hogging the couch. After scrubbing my skin raw, I collapsed on my bed. And that's how I spent my summer vacation. Am currently in the process of devising a plan to watch "16 and pregnant" on MTV since couch is occupied.

"Where The Wild Things Are" comes out on October 19th *Applause* I had forgotten this book from my childhood until Alita of Alita.Reads (See my blog listings) reminded me. Awesome book. Karen O (aside: j'adore the new Yeah, Yeah, Yeah's album) just released the lead track for the movie its called "All is Love". So good, I'm willing to overlook the sound of singing children. Note: The video below is just a trailer for the movie and not the song mentioned above.

*They were definitely straight from Africa, as is my family - both immediate and extended.

UK fire show: very proper, polite: thought the theme was celebrating life. There were bits of the show that seemed reminiscent of grade 5 puberty classes - talks of eggs and such. They also played the graduation show and added some Chinese New Year business, probably to appeal to the audience. Overall it wasn't half as epic as South Africa's presentation: average. Although the promoter did cool it on the reggae music, quelle surprise. After the fireworks, on the bus heading home, sitting in the courtesy seats as there were no elderly people on the bus to be courteous to. After friends left, the chairs they were using folded up. Random dude tried to sit down. Neither of us could get the chairs down, it was decided that we just weren't strong enough. 5 minutes later, two tweens got on the bus and put the chair down with their obvious supernatural strength. I looked up and saw random dude, he looked embarrassed - full on tomato.

*The stuff that smells like strawberries and pineapple blended with a, literal, ton of sugar.

**Tall Asian friend:"Your ankles aren't very shapely". Me: wide eyed. This incident reminds me of that Friends episode where Ross makes a list of pros and cons about Julie and Rachel and an effort to decide which one he should pursue. Needless to say (because you people are giant dorks who've seen the episode as much as I have, I hope), one of Rachels cons is her "chubby ankles". When Ross calls to apologize, Rachel says she can't come to the phone because her, "ankles are weighin' [her] down". My response to ankle-gate was similar. We are not amused.

Last Saturday, after the fireworks, I went home to dry off, and found that at 2AM, the telly features informercials for companies like Lavaline...Anyways, I found this lovely showing on YTV. On youtube I found the British version. The Mr. Men Show.

Oh, that song from the Ritz commercial: "If we're both not married by 23/Will ya make my year? Ask me" (see below) is called "When I Go" by Slow Club. There other stuff is good too

Nippy noodles outside last week. Had to wear pants. Forced to make awkward conversation with a man, who, like my other suitor's, is likely not allowed within 10 yards of a children's playground.

This week excessive heat - I take the bus everywhere, I am not a fan of warm weather as it often includes people in cramped quarters sweating on each other.

Fireworks: dripply rain for hours. Forced to cornrow hair on beach due to heavy moisture falling from the heavens. Watched awkward white dancing to reggae music (promoters must have thought reggae would be appropriate given that South Africa was competing on Saturday). Good show. Lighting helped. Wrung out me sleeve a couple of times. I very much enjoy being dry.

Currently looking for another club to join at school that does not exclude me from joining with their (explicit-anti-diversity-Asians only) titles. Signed up to be a International exchange buddy. Mine is from England. Should be good times. I'm familiarizing myself with her culture by eating toad in a hole and calling people bloke's. It seems to be working. More squats now.

Reading "Mother Superior" a collection of shorts by Saleema Nawaz. (Canadian author). Its a bit like "Pulp Fiction" in that all the paragraphs don't follow a traditional flow pattern. One of the shorts is about a prostitute living with anarchists. Another is about a pregnant girl and her anorexic sister. Fantastic. She makes me what to write, but instead I'm watching "The Cosby Show" and eating the last of my mother's organic cherries.

June 20th: Coldplay concert – Snow Patrol shattered my universe. Although the lead singer looks a bit like a smarmy git from FREN 121 that always sat too close thus causing spittle to land on my face and non-prescription lenses.

22 – 26th: Work. Disaster struck. Spilled coffee all over moleskin planner (the ultimate English major accessory) – ran (inhaler in tow) to Book Warehouse to replace it. Found a hard cover version. All is well again.

26th: Night market – love the curried fish balls and the octopus dumpling things. Found the only other Black person, we bonded.

27th – Appetizers at Rosie’s + Bard on the Beach: Ate the best spinach dip at Rosie’s (take note the spinach dip at Boston Pizza tastes like bad alfredo sauce). Watched “All’s Well That End’s Well”. Fabulous.

28th: Picniced with the troops.

29th – July 4th: Worked at clinic. Lethargic. Watched Baz Luhrmann’s “Romeo and Juliet”. J’adore. Looked for “Centre Stage” at HMV, Chapters and Charlie’s to no avail.

30th: Canada day festivities + dinner at Foundations. Vraiment exciting.

1st: Fireworks: Lame sauce. Huddled under blanket like an elderly woman.

2nd: Under the advisement of council, began watching “Harper’s Island”.

4th If it takes Barbara 30 to 45 mins to get to work, when should she stop watching “Harper’s Island” online so she will arrive at work on time? 6 AM start as per usual. Sound of squawking crows as per usual. Managed to fit in episode 5 of “Harper’s Island”. Current time 7: 52AM. Decided to squeeze in 10 mins on episode 6 as to avoid searching for spoilers while I facing the demons (PC’s) at work.

Timeline Work starts at 9AM* Buses leave at 7:56AM, 8AM, 8:13AM (best option) and 8:22AM (late option) Noticed clock at 8:16AM

Asked mother *pronounced mah-ja with German accent for effect* for a ride. Surprisingly she agreed. On route to 99B-line bus stop, we passed the farmers market at trout lake when I saw a thing of beauty: a wicker picnic basket. Told mother about basket. She grunted. Arrived at work at 9:02AM to find that my shift was to start at 9:30AM. Got a multigrain bagel from Solly’s.

5th -7th: Nippy noodles outside. Hair is partially deflated as a result. Caught up on “Harper’s Island” – finale on Thursday (slightly excited). Watched "Away We Go" again. Laughter.

Definition: Subtle fat: Foods that may have been processed, and injected with lard but do not bare the tell tale signs. Foods that should be eaten in small qualities and while doing squats. They are not:

1) Food is not basking in heaps of oil while lard cascades as if the food item in question is producing it (Church’s Chicken)

2) Fat has been absorbed by in the food and is quietly destroying the wrapping that contains it (McDonald’s)

3) Food item does not instantly encourage projectile vomiting (fry dogs: a corn dog on a stick coated in mayo and dipped in French fries – see image below)

They are: El Caracol: Pupusas (El Salvador's version of the tortilla, but thicker, stuffed with cheese, beans or meat). Drool worthy. 3 for $7.68. Thanks Kevin (read his food blog).

Whole foods: Sour cream mashed potatoes. I die. Price dependant on weight of food.

Noodle Box: Spicy peanut box – I typically sneak these into the movies plus they come in the Chinese take out boxes as seen on TV. $12.

Blueberry: Frozen Yogurt (HEALTHY) - its so good that I want to throw up just so I can eat it again.

Activity, which, though highly unlikely, may make use of eccrine & apocrine glands: grumbling walking toward the bus, bobbing head to “Funky Town”, chewing (see below), and though I have a very developed aversion to math, calculating the costs of bicycle, baskets and locks.

bi·cy·cle:

a vehicle with two wheels and a seat that is moved by pushing pedals with the feet, and steered by handlebars at the front wheel

Historical penny-farthing, ordinary, velocipede:

In truth, I don’t care about the model, seat, suspension, gears, speed, front derailleur, or shock absorption; my eyes glaze over when enthusiastic sales people present these issues to me. I assume a test drive can calm any reservations regarding this issues but I NEED to know whether or not I can attach my bike horn to it and if the wicker basket is to be purchased separately.

In an effort to reduce costs (see below), I’ve started a "weekly purchases" journal to be able to purchase my dream vehicle sooner:

Monday: $3.78

- Water

- Bueno (thin layer of chocolate and then filling which is like Nutella without the chocolate. *drool* Plus it was $0.99 at London Drugs).

Tuesday: $0.89

- New inhaler (health plan *insert smiley face* [I don’t like emoticons, ∴ I continue to refuse to use them.])

Wednesday: $ 17.67

- Water

- Oat fudge bar: I’m not a chocolate person but I didn’t feel good about sitting at a four person table alone for 45 mins with an $0.80 cinnamon swirl stick

- Book: “Send In the Idiots” Kamran Nazeer. (It was $3.89 at the Book Warehouse). Non-fiction: about an Autistic man (currently a speech writer for the Democrats), writing about what became of his former classmates. Its quite good; I would’ve paid the Chapters price.

- Pho: I literally put two drops of some sort of spice concoction in my soup then spent 45 mins downing water, eating the sprouts in an attempt to sooth my burning mouth, blowing my nose, and trying to stifle the sound of my tears.

- Cinnamon bun: Much needed after the pho incident. The Brit at Solly’s always gives me two, though I pay for one, even when I ask for a plastic tin instead of the flimsy paper bag, sometimes he pulls a Billy Idol *insert smiley face*.

I didn’t do so well on Wednesday but I’ve spent nothing today *applause* – due in part to my recent bout of hermit-ism and the fact that after my dentist appointment I was told I couldn’t eat for an hour: I managed to surge past the Subway, McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Denny’s, Superstore, and the man selling corn out of his trunk, without looking back. Currently eating dinner, which consists of 170 grams of raspberries, the remainder of my Starbucks oat fudge bar, 147 mL of Fiji water, 10 almonds and half a bag of Stacy’s Pita chips (Costco size). These are the only “pre-made” foods I could find. I can’t be bothered to spread peanut butter on toast or call out for food. The shame shall pass.

ANYWAYS, what is this new trend of men wearing one pant leg rolled up to show off a paltry, potentially anemic thigh while the other pant leg remains dutifully covered? Je ne l'aime pas.

Its the same way I feel about "According to Jim", my birthday, digery doos, people who wear leggings as pants and men who wear full leggings in bright colours and casually walk along without the courtesy of pretending that their intention is to eventually get on a bicycle or even at the very least carry a helmut to provide some element of reason as to why they are wearing the offending brightly coloured tights in public. GAH! But I digress. I despise, loathe, and hate being sneezed on. Please do not bat your eye lashes in, what seems to be, apologetic Morse code beats at me because I don't understand Morse code. Don't shrug as though to say, "que sera, sera" because I will continue to glare and be appalled. The only appropriate thing to do on the occasion that you should happen to sneeze on someone is apologize - with your words; offer your face, a hanky, or purell; and apologize again. To quote a friend: some people are only alive because murder is illegal.

Blushing on the job:

Though I don't actually blush - skin pigmentation - I have managed to embarrass myself on a number of occasions in the pass few days. Many of which have taken place in front of my newest co-workers.

1) Headset: I can't use it properly because it has an overhead bar - my hair is too large at present moment - but the one time I was too lazy to pick out my hair for work I forgot to move the actual microphone piece down to mouth level. Naturally this meant I was basically screaming in to the phone at certain points throughout the day. Until I reached up to scratch the 4th cornrow on the right. Shame.

2) Laundry: I have to do a load or two of towels and blankets at work for the physiotherapists daily. The laundry room opening is miniscule. Last week whilst wearing a skirt, I proceeded to pull an " I Love Lucy". Foot wedged in between door and wall in a lame attempt to leverage it open. I ended up splayed on the ground inside the laundry room, the towels also splayed. I had to refold them. Mortification.

These are the two I wish to own up to a present. I die.

Song: "Saviour" - The Dears. Its 11 minutes and 21 seconds long but soft; a reading-a-book-near-a-window-while-its-raining kind of song - it even has a section where what I would hope is a child, echo's the chorus; those moments offer an, for lack of a better word, ethereal quality to the song. Essentially its the type of song that demands its own categorization because it refuses to be held back as simply "music" because this would mean its on the same level as Britney or the Pussycat Dolls. This is muzzak.

Other weekly fixations: "15 Step" and "Karma Police" Radiohead, "Sweet Dreams" (Eurythmics Cover) Bat for Lashes, and "17" Kings of Leon.

Reading: "American Psycho" - j'adore.

Started a new job a physio clinic. Jeans are not welcome but lululemon sweats, hooded fleece sweat shirts, and flip flops... *visualize Pat Sajak with thumbs up, grinning*. Was hoping for an opportunity to replenish bursting wardrobe citing a need for work clothes and to finally wear the dress pants that hang, complete with creases that give away their newness. Much to be learned. Headache. Can't be bothered to study no more (please note the use of incorrect English is purely for my own amusement and should not be viewed as an assault on the English language or my lack of proficiency with it).

Went to see Lenka with Ding-a-Ling. Kellsarissa opened. I would sooner be rammed in the ribs by a rapid ox then hear her music again. Entire set sounded like roadies testing out instruments. I kept peering at my drink wishing I had thought to purchase a double. Man in front was practically licking his glass to get the last drops out. Then he sucked the ice cubes. Woman on right covered her ears while pressing her body in to her boyfriend's chest - practically creating an indent. Man on left looked on in disbelief. Many in the audience appeared to be looking for cameras, myself included - we thought we were being taped for a candid camera type show. She sounded like Ross (Geller) from Friends in the episode titled "The One Where Chandler Crosses the Line" (I've revealed too much of myself...): In it Ross "plays" the piano. *Queue Madonna "Time Goes By So Slowly*. In order to continue proving how awesome I am (awesome is apparently interchangeable with other words with connotations that mean boringly studious), following her set, I felt like a dementor (note: allusion to "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", the novel - not the film) had sucked my soul out. Lesson learned: research openers before showing up early to claim spot near stage OR show up after opener and mark territory by simply peeing on floor. The horror did not detract from loveable Lenka. She's a bit more bubblegum then I normally would go but even her break up songs make you bounce your head. Best moment: acoustic singing with WWII radio frequencies playing in the background. *Gush*

Book Warehouse on 4th is shutting down. 50% off.

Purchased: Obsession from last post: The Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs' "It's Blitz". Searching for Camera Obscura's "My Maudlin Career"

I could have been a victim of fraud. Bank called. *Queue 3 note doomed piano clip*. I swiped my debit card somewhere (THEY WOULDN'T TELL ME WHERE)...and someone may have copied the information. Jokes on them when they view my balance *queue laugh reel*. ANYWAY, Had to get a new card. *phew*

Tips of avoid having to go into the bank, become districted by the food channel, drool and slip on floor when steps are taken:

*Wide eyed look of wonder* 1) Guard your PIN.

2) Make your PIN and passwords hard for someone else to guess. Don’t use your birth date, phone number or last four digits of your SIN

3) Examine statements

Excessive food consumption this week. *Shrug* Must go back to Avenue Grill. Am also desperate to try Paul's Omelettery. Brunch is good.

Lunette The Clown. I die. When will Breaker High be on DVD?

Song of the week:

Aside from obvious obsession with the Pashely bike (see previous entries), my musical obsession of this week is the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. "Runaway" on their latest is amazing. I die. Karen O has a voice that sounds like puppies licking colorful glass crystals. *Swoon*.

Bus: tales from the #20.

I try not to take this bus often because I find I spend far too much time telling people off for trying to open the doors when the bus is still moving. I'm practically hoarse. Also, somehow the drivers always seem to take breaks when I am in a hurry. These are not positive experiences. Today was no exception. BC transit is very complicated and naturally we are not amused. The shock and annoyance, that at times registers on my face, resembles that of a Japanese animation character.I had to transfer 3 times (same bus route) in order to make it home. I could not close the windows on the 3rd. I'm not as brawny as one would suspect. ANYWAYS, my hair...oh precious tendrils... It grew another few inches thanks to the wind. I was even less amused when I walked by a reflective surface and saw the strands, quite seriously, on end *note double take* ... this experience added to the illusion that my head has doubled in size. Amusing? We think not. I may begin carrying my bike horn on the bus to ward off the masses.

Things of note:

SFU is thinking of building a gondela to eliminate the bus. *Squeal*.

Irritations of the week:

1) Why is it that when I stands mere inches away from a cross walk another person comes along and thinks its appropriate to push the crosswalk button? Why else would I be standing there? Its not as though I wish to be the involuntary participant of a drive by shooting or that I plan to hail a cab. OR that I am a germaphobe OR that I stand at a corner in the hopes that someone else will come a long an perform a task that I am incapable of doing on my own. OR that others have a magical ability to chance stoplights in their favour while I do not. C'est ridiculous. Also, another approaches from other side of the street, why does this person also press the cross walk button!? Its not like I blend in with the egregious grey cement background that leads to the cross walk.

2) Walked into a spider web. We are not amused. I fear I will find spider eggs in my hair. Worse still, the eggs will hatch and I will be their main source of nutrients. I may cut my hair and become a fabulous bald woman with large earrings. The only flaw in this plan is the disproportionate size of my ears. My ears are 4.5 CM - measurement was taken in grade 9 math class. Sigh.